James, thank you for sharing your experiences. As a single dad in a similar position, I can concur with your experiences. I think the categories of women for me were 1) women with no kids - they generally had spare time, disposable income and wanted to travel the world, go on vacations, city trips, nights out, restaurants etc. Its a life that was impossible for me to join becasue I had neither the time nor the finances to live that way. 2) Women with older kids, empty nesters. I'm in my 50s and at that age many women have older kids, adult kids, who are completely self sufficient. They would struggle to understand my situation, as they were also all about living a great 'kid free' life. "Its my time now!" they would say. Dating a man with a 16 year old 'toddler' is not what they are looking for. 3) Women with younger kids. Here we had some shared experiences, my boy is like a child despite being 16, so we can talk about similar parenting issues, however as their kids go to birthday parties and school trips, my son is always at home with me, he struggles in public places, around other kids etc. It's difficult. Overall, my take aways are that only when you find a deep thinker, a soul who is a pure and kind hearted, someone who can appreciate your kids for the beauty and wonder of their uniqueness, that will accept that you will always be a dad and that your boys will always be dependent and 'kids' and she happily accepts and embraces that, thats when you have a chance. Don't underestimate what you bring to the table. Yes you don't have time or availabilty to live that glamourous lifestyle, but you have enormous empathy, kindness, patience, the ability to love uncontitionally, you can care for people like other men cannot, your boys have taught you so much about yourself and how to live. Find the woman that appreciates those qualities in you. Unfortunately, the social media lifestyles that so many aspire to, will rule out 98% of the women you meet. But she is out there, she will love you and your boys unconditionally. Its just very hard to find her, but you will know when you do. Wish you well brother.
Thank you Asif, and thank you for sharing some of your experiences. I can relate to a lot of what you've shared too. Wishing you and your son all the best
I felt every word in this podcast thank you for sharing, my son is 4 and was diagnosed a year ago.. I’m actually tired of being asked when are you going to meet someone again, your still young etc I think next time even when a family member asks I’m going to tell them to listen to this podcast as I’m tired of explaining, people just don’t understand it’s not that simple as much as I would like to, I love listening to all your podcasts and videos with the boys as it makes me feel a lot less lonely at times so thank you for that, I’m sure your helping a lot of Sen parents out there by doing so :) and just to say your an amazing dad!
I get frustrated at seeing the demands of other women on dating sites too to be honest! Last time I dated my son got really clingy and jealous every time he tried to show affection. So many layers of complications, maybe it’s worth stripping it right back and searching for just a companion instead to make the demands less with no pressure to get alone time.
I almost cry here… You have explained emotions and also struggles so similar that its partly so comforting to feel that Im not alone with those feelings and thoughts, at the same time, made me think even more clear about obstackles in my own life. Its horrible to say but at moments I feel like its a prison, a prison of sacrificing love to your child/children. I feel often that my life rushes by and I feel stressed about that Im getting older and life is so precious and I want to experience so much more, laugh more, travel, meet friends, and so on. Im a bit tired in my head right this moment, but I want ro share my experiences and thoughts about this topic. You truly have the gift of writing. This is so helpful, Im sorry, that your hardships feels helpful to me, but its totally because of the feeling of a connection and understanding for eachothers struggles
Amazing experiences! Thank you for sharing. I am a single mum for a 13 years old boy on the spectrum and every word you said touched my heart. I can definitely relate to your dating experience cause I had the same. I found it best to be dating other parents of kids on the spectrum because they do understand the struggles and the happy moments that comes with it.
Thanks for sharing. I’m a solo parent to autistic pda child, working full time and home educating. I am a civil engineer so meet lots of men at work and around world but not the thought of actually dating anyone is daunting now. I tried once very unsafe and second time found them becoming less tolerant of the restrictions and needs we had. There aren’t actually many people I know who are dealing with similar things or even understanding of them. Dating was too difficult and used all the extra energy I had up and pretty unsafe for a female. I have one night off almost every 4 years! I miss the companionship, security and intimacy but my safety and sanity is worth so much more! I’ve always considered teaming to get a house with another female friend with kids to share the financial and emotional load rather than wearing the entire heavy load on my shoulders alone.
I'm married to the wife of my autistic child. Although we make a good team we both remain quite lonely, our child doesn't allow conversations and will often begin meltdowns if our attention is on one another. We haven't slept in the same bed for about 4 years, haven't been on a date or had a night off since out 5 year old autistic boy was born. We both feel that sometimes being apart mightblend for better lifestyles and would allow more free time. Never would have guessed that living with your spouse would lend to such a lonely environment. Hopefully, one day all is autism parents will find their happy beginning.
That's a very tough situation. I went through some of this with my ex-wife, the not sharing a bed, little time together, I recognise that loneliness too ❤️
Amazing experiences! Thank you for sharing. I am a single mum for a 13 years old boy on the spectrum and every word you said touched my heart. I can definitely relate to your dating experience cause I had the same. I found it best to be dating other parents of kids on the spectrum because they do understand the struggles and the happy moments that comes with it.
I am in a relationship he lives pretty close to me but I have become very involved in his daughter life (10) my son has autism and my head gets filled with all the same questions like what is the point of keeping going it’s never going to work it’s always going to be hard he isn’t coming into your life as much as you are his etc my sons dad is involved in his life and he still stays here soemtimes my son does also go to his dads but none of it is “normal” we’ve been together 2 years and I do wonder if things will ever feel more blended but it’s so so tough and sometimes it isn’t in our kids best interests
Your amazing James I watch you on on socials and your an inspiration I can’t imagine how tough life must feel at times
I actually relate a lot to this as an autistic adult trying to juggle my own needs and struggles while still wishing I had the space and consistency for a partner again. It’s hard to know what route is the best from the apps to the meeting to whatever and I also try to be as honest as possible from the start so there’s no miscommunication about what it would mean, I wish that made it easier!!
I became a widowed single mum to 2 young children 5 years ago when my partner died in a car accident. I can relate to your feelings of loneliness. I felt like you had reached into my brain and were speaking on my behalf!
James, thank you for sharing your experiences. As a single dad in a similar position, I can concur with your experiences. I think the categories of women for me were 1) women with no kids - they generally had spare time, disposable income and wanted to travel the world, go on vacations, city trips, nights out, restaurants etc. Its a life that was impossible for me to join becasue I had neither the time nor the finances to live that way. 2) Women with older kids, empty nesters. I'm in my 50s and at that age many women have older kids, adult kids, who are completely self sufficient. They would struggle to understand my situation, as they were also all about living a great 'kid free' life. "Its my time now!" they would say. Dating a man with a 16 year old 'toddler' is not what they are looking for. 3) Women with younger kids. Here we had some shared experiences, my boy is like a child despite being 16, so we can talk about similar parenting issues, however as their kids go to birthday parties and school trips, my son is always at home with me, he struggles in public places, around other kids etc. It's difficult. Overall, my take aways are that only when you find a deep thinker, a soul who is a pure and kind hearted, someone who can appreciate your kids for the beauty and wonder of their uniqueness, that will accept that you will always be a dad and that your boys will always be dependent and 'kids' and she happily accepts and embraces that, thats when you have a chance. Don't underestimate what you bring to the table. Yes you don't have time or availabilty to live that glamourous lifestyle, but you have enormous empathy, kindness, patience, the ability to love uncontitionally, you can care for people like other men cannot, your boys have taught you so much about yourself and how to live. Find the woman that appreciates those qualities in you. Unfortunately, the social media lifestyles that so many aspire to, will rule out 98% of the women you meet. But she is out there, she will love you and your boys unconditionally. Its just very hard to find her, but you will know when you do. Wish you well brother.
This was so deep written
Thank you Asif, and thank you for sharing some of your experiences. I can relate to a lot of what you've shared too. Wishing you and your son all the best
I felt every word in this podcast thank you for sharing, my son is 4 and was diagnosed a year ago.. I’m actually tired of being asked when are you going to meet someone again, your still young etc I think next time even when a family member asks I’m going to tell them to listen to this podcast as I’m tired of explaining, people just don’t understand it’s not that simple as much as I would like to, I love listening to all your podcasts and videos with the boys as it makes me feel a lot less lonely at times so thank you for that, I’m sure your helping a lot of Sen parents out there by doing so :) and just to say your an amazing dad!
Thank you Lucy. I think I've reached the point where people have stopped even asking 😂
It's not simple, but hopefully life will get easier for us both in time. Really glad it helps you feel less alone ❤️
I get frustrated at seeing the demands of other women on dating sites too to be honest! Last time I dated my son got really clingy and jealous every time he tried to show affection. So many layers of complications, maybe it’s worth stripping it right back and searching for just a companion instead to make the demands less with no pressure to get alone time.
Yes, I'm open to that too. Can imagine it being really tough with your son struggling around a new partner
I almost cry here… You have explained emotions and also struggles so similar that its partly so comforting to feel that Im not alone with those feelings and thoughts, at the same time, made me think even more clear about obstackles in my own life. Its horrible to say but at moments I feel like its a prison, a prison of sacrificing love to your child/children. I feel often that my life rushes by and I feel stressed about that Im getting older and life is so precious and I want to experience so much more, laugh more, travel, meet friends, and so on. Im a bit tired in my head right this moment, but I want ro share my experiences and thoughts about this topic. You truly have the gift of writing. This is so helpful, Im sorry, that your hardships feels helpful to me, but its totally because of the feeling of a connection and understanding for eachothers struggles
Thank you Anneli. I'm sorry it's so restricting for you right now, I understand how challenging it can be ❤️
Amazing experiences! Thank you for sharing. I am a single mum for a 13 years old boy on the spectrum and every word you said touched my heart. I can definitely relate to your dating experience cause I had the same. I found it best to be dating other parents of kids on the spectrum because they do understand the struggles and the happy moments that comes with it.
Respect and support ❤️
Thank you. Yes I think that makes a lot of the challenges easier, jus maybe even less free time to see each other though 😂
Thanks for sharing. I’m a solo parent to autistic pda child, working full time and home educating. I am a civil engineer so meet lots of men at work and around world but not the thought of actually dating anyone is daunting now. I tried once very unsafe and second time found them becoming less tolerant of the restrictions and needs we had. There aren’t actually many people I know who are dealing with similar things or even understanding of them. Dating was too difficult and used all the extra energy I had up and pretty unsafe for a female. I have one night off almost every 4 years! I miss the companionship, security and intimacy but my safety and sanity is worth so much more! I’ve always considered teaming to get a house with another female friend with kids to share the financial and emotional load rather than wearing the entire heavy load on my shoulders alone.
I'm sorry it's so tough. It's so hard having such little free time like you describe ❤️
I'm married to the wife of my autistic child. Although we make a good team we both remain quite lonely, our child doesn't allow conversations and will often begin meltdowns if our attention is on one another. We haven't slept in the same bed for about 4 years, haven't been on a date or had a night off since out 5 year old autistic boy was born. We both feel that sometimes being apart mightblend for better lifestyles and would allow more free time. Never would have guessed that living with your spouse would lend to such a lonely environment. Hopefully, one day all is autism parents will find their happy beginning.
That's a very tough situation. I went through some of this with my ex-wife, the not sharing a bed, little time together, I recognise that loneliness too ❤️
Amazing experiences! Thank you for sharing. I am a single mum for a 13 years old boy on the spectrum and every word you said touched my heart. I can definitely relate to your dating experience cause I had the same. I found it best to be dating other parents of kids on the spectrum because they do understand the struggles and the happy moments that comes with it.
Respect and support ❤️
This made me feel
So much better!
I am in a relationship he lives pretty close to me but I have become very involved in his daughter life (10) my son has autism and my head gets filled with all the same questions like what is the point of keeping going it’s never going to work it’s always going to be hard he isn’t coming into your life as much as you are his etc my sons dad is involved in his life and he still stays here soemtimes my son does also go to his dads but none of it is “normal” we’ve been together 2 years and I do wonder if things will ever feel more blended but it’s so so tough and sometimes it isn’t in our kids best interests
Your amazing James I watch you on on socials and your an inspiration I can’t imagine how tough life must feel at times
Your person will come ☺️
James, thanks for sharing, I felt every word and what you described, keep up the good fight!! You are amazing. Regards from México
I actually relate a lot to this as an autistic adult trying to juggle my own needs and struggles while still wishing I had the space and consistency for a partner again. It’s hard to know what route is the best from the apps to the meeting to whatever and I also try to be as honest as possible from the start so there’s no miscommunication about what it would mean, I wish that made it easier!!
I became a widowed single mum to 2 young children 5 years ago when my partner died in a car accident. I can relate to your feelings of loneliness. I felt like you had reached into my brain and were speaking on my behalf!